How Non-Monogamous People Are Online Dating In The Pandemic
Do you remember back in the day when people used to be ashamed to say they met through online dating?! I’m so glad those taboo days are behind us.
As an extrovert and proud ethical slut, my social life for the winter/spring was planned entirely around dating and lifestyle events, and I initially felt pretty down about missing out. I wasn’t feeling convinced that virtual dating could be a comparable outlet when a #open match asked if I’d be up for a video chat during week 1 of quarantine.
I decided to go for it any way— and I’m so glad I did. After a fun and original “first date” (we ‘attended’ a kinky rope bondage Zoom demo together), I decided to go all in on virtual dating and it’s been sexier and more intriguing than I expected.
Online dating takeaways
Sex and intimacy can be experienced in SO many ways. Distance and isolation alone are not barriers to sexual pleasure. While I miss going out for physical fun, I’ve been having a great time exploring new ways to engage with my husband and partners.
Communication is key to great sex. Texting, sexting and video chatting are EXCELLENT ways to practice verbalizing your own sexual desires to a partner and it also gives them a chance to communicate those same things to you. If you and/or your partner(s) aren’t sure what you want or desire, that’s ok! Just be open and honest with them. You can try a worksheet-style tool that can help you explore your interests (check out #open’s Preferences/Interests sheet)
Taking time to communicate your desires and boundaries ahead of meeting can make for a more fun and safe play time. Trying to communicate all of that crucial info during a first meeting or right before play can be overwhelming (and confusing once hormones are involved).
Putting effort, thought and creativity into dates (whether cyber or IRL) is worth it! It feels good to make someone you care about (or have a crush on) smile or feel special. Do something cute for them and see if they return the favor. If they don’t put in the same level of effort and care — move on ’til you find someone who goes the extra mile!
Safety first – I’ve been paying close attention to who in my extended circle of kinky friends is and more importantly is NOT following social distancing rules. Those that are blatantly breaking social distancing guidelines and continuing to have lifestyle get togethers are probably people I don’t want to play with in the future, as I’m not sure I’d trust their judgment on safer sex practices.
Last and certainly not least: some things are worth waiting for. As a society, we’re SO used to instant gratification that we lose sight of the benefits of delayed gratification. I’m heading into week 6 of this COVID courtship and while I’d love to meet in-person, for now I’m really enjoying the chance to take it S L O W.
We’re getting to know each other, planning meaningful dates and learning what each other likes through virtual chats and cyber sex. This NRE is breaking up the monotony of everyday quarantine, giving me something to look forward to and improving my mood. I’ve also had plenty of opportunities to check-in with my primary partner who’s enjoying hearing about (and sometimes joining) my online fun.
I don’t know when I’ll be able to meet my Corona cutie, but right now, we’re having a great time finding ways to enjoy the present (while getting off fantasizing about the future 😉😜).
Post originally appeared on the hashtag open medium blog page, April 22, 2020