10 Reasons Why Sex-Positive Moms are Badass
Hey Sex Positive Moms, Mother’s Day is this weekend and after what feels like eons of being (trapped?) at home with your children in isolation, we thought we’d take a minute to remind you why being a sex positive mom is so damn BADASS.
#open co-founder and fellow ‘cool mom’ Amanda Wilson and I spent some time talking about all the reasons why we love being sex-positive moms. So whether you’re at home crushing the homeschool schedule and doing productive projects with those little angels or perhaps you’re like me and have simply given in to the chaos, Amanda and I are here to remind you exactly why you deserve all the cheers. So grab that bottle of wine, your favorite vibrator (it’s Masturbation May, afterall) and lock yourself in the bathroom for an hour or four — you deserve it!
Here are our top 10 reasons that being a sex-positive mom is badass:
- Congrats, you’re now a M.I.L.F. You’re not afraid to join the ranks of Stifler and Stacy’s mom’s. And with MILF being the 4th most searched porn term in 2019, you should wear it like a badge of honor, hot mama.
- Leave the mom shaming behind. Sex Positive Moms get it — just like we’d never kink shame, we know everyone has different parenting styles that work for them, and that’s ok. No need to shame or judge — instead we can support and learn from each other.
- We model consent and boundary setting. Learning healthy boundaries is easy when you start young. Letting kids make choices about how and when they want to be touched (hugged, kissed, etc.) is a great way to start teaching that they get to choose what feels comfortable for their body while giving them opportunities to learn to say NO. We love this infographic for helping you and your kids establish basic body boundaries.
- Body-positivity is a no-brainer. Encouraging kids to explore their bodies in a shame-free way is important. Sex-educator Tasha Walston says: “The takeaway for the child needs to be a message of learning the appropriate time and place for exploring their bodies versus one of shame. All children are curious about their bodies and will begin to explore them — parents need to react calmly and rationally when they do.”
- We show our kids it’s okay to make choices that defy conventional gender stereotypes. This starts young with giving kids options based on interest instead of gender. Talking freely about gender expression and identity fosters a safe environment for kids to explore their interests and how they want to express themselves. For more information on talking to young children about gender, check out this video from Planned Parenthood. For older tweens/teens check out Scarleteen’s Trans Summer School Series which explores topics like: the diversity of trans identity, and helping teens explore their own relationship with gender.
- Sex positive moms make sure sex-ed is pleasure based. That means we teach our kids to pay attention to what feels good (and what feels bad) for their bodies. For younger kids, start by having them come up with a list of things that make their body feel good — like taking a walk, enjoying a bubble bath, or quietly listening to music. Planned Parenthood’s education team explains: “By focusing the conversation on normal pleasure-seeking, you begin to normalize seeking pleasure in sexual relationships. We also get children and teens used to seeking people and activities that bring them joy and fulfillment!”
- Sex-positive parents don’t try to dissuade teens from watching porn. Instead, we find ways to talk about it in a shame-free way. While porn can be a great way to seek pleasure, it’s important that we teach our children about the ways porn can perpetuate harmful stereotypes and misconceptions. In her blog piece, What I Want my Son to Know About Porn, Sarah Macedo explains: “I fear that if I do not engage in meaningful conversation with him about pornography that he will turn to it for his own sex education, and make assumptions about men, women, sex and bodies. If my son can one day understand that there are real folks behind the screen of the porn he may one day watch, then he must be educated on his usage.” If you’re looking for a resource on how to introduce a conversation about porn to your kid/teen, check out this video from AMAZE.org.
- Have you heard of a Period Party? No? Well let this sex-positive mama tell you- in my house, when my 2 girls get their first periods one day, I’ll be throwing a Pinterest-worthy Period-a-Palooza. Why? Because periods are nothing to be ashamed of and our changing bodies should be celebrated. @bridgetvanwell (Twitter) told Women’s Health: “I believe my mom did this for me because she didn’t want me to feel embarrassed about the changes I was going through, and instead she wanted me to embrace it. When you’re 13, becoming a woman is a scary thing.”
- Sex positive parents aren’t afraid to discuss their own sexuality and experiences with their kids (in age appropriate ways, of course!) Helping your kids to feel comfortable asking you questions is a great way to keep lines of communication open. Sex positive mom (and friend of #open), Alice says: “Having open communication around the topic fosters a sense of trust and connectedness because talking about sex is not taboo or a secret. My child knows that sex is just one healthy and appropriate component of relationships between consenting adults.”
- Emphasis on safer sex. While we’d like to think our positive kids will take all of the wonderful knowledge we’ve armed them with and wait until they’re adults, we know that’s often not the case. Instead, we inform and educate so our kids will make the best choices. Having conversations about the different aspects of safe sex with teens is important. Topics like birth control and STI protection, consent and boundaries and even internet/photo sharing safety are all important components to empowering our kids. “Ultimately, when it comes to teens, you want to empower your child to be able to evaluate risks and make good decisions. Helping kids understand that they have a gut, an inner voice, and they can and should listen to it, is a big part of what sex education is about” (sex educator Cory Silverberg from How to Talk To Your Kids About Sex).
It’s period party day!
The team at #open is wishing you a very Happy Mother’s Day! We hope you all find some peace and get time to celebrate yourself this weekend!
Parenting during COVID is challenging, for resources for parents and children during COVID-19, please check out this list from the Academy of Adolescent and Child Psychiatry. For more resources and information specific to talking to kids/teens about sex, gender and relationships, we recommend Scarleteen.
If you’re looking for even more sex positive mom resources, why not check out our guide on sex toys! It might be eye opening for you to educate yourself on all the amazing toys now on the market.